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(pass it on...) 2/29/2008
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance, " says the husband, "it
is 3:00 am in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push, " he ...
1 Comments, 196 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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BASTARD 2/29/2008
GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD. PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to
call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that? GIRL: Well, he kissed me. PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? The psychiatrist kissed the girl GIRL: ......Yes! PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top. PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The ...
1 Comments, 81 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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UCLA Study 2/29/2008
UCLA STUDY - WOMEN
A study conducted by UCLA's Department
of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman
finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where
she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men
with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends
to ...
2 Comments, 123 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Convict On The Loose 2/28/2008
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young
couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he
had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young
wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered,
"Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years.
Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have
sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you ...
1 Comments, 149 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Truck stop 2/28/2008
I love truckers, always have. I like to flirt with them when
my friend and I go on road trips in the summer. We take turns
behind the wheel because she likes to flirt with them too.
It's fun to lay the seat back pull my loose skirt up and
flash my lacey thong when a trucker looks at me. The thing that we really like to do is drive around in our
bikini's with our sweat pants that we cut off into ...
4 Comments, 333 Views,
13 Votes
,5.16 Score
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ups man 2/28/2008
One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood
on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices
that both cars are in the driveway. His wonder was cut short
by Jim, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer
and liquor bottles. 'Wow Jim, looks like you guys had one hell of a party
last night, ' the UPS man comments. Jim, in obvious pain, replies 'Actually we ...
2 Comments, 263 Views,
22 Votes
,5.05 Score
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WIFE VS. HUSBAND 2/28/2008
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not
saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep, ' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
0 Comments, 105 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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One more -- golf joke warning 2/28/2008
Four guys were all on the eleventh green of a course near
where a winding country road happened to pass. The first
three fellows had sunk their putts and fourth was addressing
his ball when a hearse and funeral procession starts driving
past on the nearby road. The fourth man stops, takes his
cap off and holds it over his heart and puts his head down
respectfully until the entire funeral ...
2 Comments, 86 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Wifes Best Friend 2/28/2008
After moving to the midwest, I had the oppportunity to return
to Southern California on business. One morning, I got
a call from my wife's best friend Monica inviting me
to breakfast. She told me to wait in my hotel room, and that
she would stop by to pick me up. After about 20 minutes, there was a knock on my hotel room
door. When I opened it, I saw Monica like I had never seen
her. She was ...
2 Comments, 287 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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Purse snatching 2/28/2008
While on a European tour a man takes his wife to a street market
in city known for pickpockets. "Honey, " he
says, "slip my money clip into your panties so no one
can pick my pocket." She does this but two hours later
when they are going to leave the man asks for his money clip
back and his wife has to admit it has been stolen. "What,
didn't you feel someone reaching into your panties?"
he ...
1 Comments, 76 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Voted Best Irish Joke of 2007 2/28/2008
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's
to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of
the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize
for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of ...
2 Comments, 179 Views,
14 Votes
,5.06 Score
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The Pig.... 2/28/2008
Bob walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and
says: "Darling, this is the pig I sleep with when you
have a headache, " His wife is lying in the bed and
replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep,
you idiot", The man says: "I was talking to the
sheep".
1 Comments, 170 Views,
17 Votes
,1.43 Score
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To make a joke 2/28/2008
If i tell a joke about u dont get madd...the point of the joke
is for u to losen up some. If you have no will to have fun then
what dose that make you??I love to have a good time , joking,
laughing and fucking can bring the real man out...not sitting
around being uptight about things..So i ask all my freaks
t go HAVE FUN
1 Comments, 55 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Irish Family Reunion 2/28/2008
An Irish had not been home for over 5 years. Upon
her return, her Father cussed her.
"Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write
to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not
understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff...Dad....I
became a ..."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless ! Sinner!
You're a ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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" Kiss Me Doctor " 2/27/2008
Doctor, doctor, please kiss me, " says the patient.
"No, I'm sorry, that would be against the code
of ethics, " says the doctor.
Ten minutes later the patient says: "Doctor, please,
kiss me just once." "No, I'm sorry, I just can't" he says.
Five minutes later, she asks again: "Please, please
kiss me!" "Look, " says the doctor, "it's
out of the question. In fact, I probably ...
3 Comments, 153 Views,
11 Votes
,1.48 Score
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My husband and I fuck his co-worker 2/27/2008
It was a hot June evening, the sun had just set and a cool breeze
was now starting to blow as is usual at that time of the year
where we live. Todd, my husband, had called and said he would
be home from work shortly, and so I decided to wait for him
out on the front porch. I was in my usual Saturday attire
cutoffs and a white t-shirt. I had been cleaning the house
all day and I was hot so I had ...
4 Comments, 514 Views,
20 Votes
,5.17 Score
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Slut Joke 2/26/2008
A family is sitting at the table during dinner time and suddenly
their 10 year old says: I have a bad news, I am no
longer a virgin! I am a cow. ‒ And she starts crying covering
her eyes very disturbed and ashamed.
There is a total silence at the table and suddenly everyone
starts accusing everyone.
- This is your entire fault because the way you are! ‒ ...
2 Comments, 220 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Amish Sex 2/25/2008
An Amish woman and her were
riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The said to her mother, 'My hands are
freezing cold.'
The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your
body heat will warm them up.' The did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the was riding with her boyfriend
who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.' The girl replied, 'Put ...
3 Comments, 204 Views,
16 Votes
,4.30 Score
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Women Golfers 2/25/2008
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in
horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of
men playing the next hole.The ball hit one of the men. He
immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell
to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began
to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm ...
1 Comments, 142 Views,
12 Votes
,5.45 Score
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MORNING SEX 2/25/2008
MORNING SEX She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for her husband's breakfast. He walked in;
She turned and said, "You've got to make love to me right this
second." His eyes lit up and he thought, "this is my lucky day." Not wanting
to lose the moment, he embraced her and gave it his all; right there on the kitchen
table. Afterwards she said "thanks" and returned
to the stove. More than a ...
2 Comments, 155 Views,
12 Votes
,4.57 Score
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101 Uses For Vaseline 2/25/2008
A woman answers the door to a market researcher. "Good
morning madam, I'm doing some research for Vaseline.
Do you use it at all in your household?" "Oh yes, all the time. It's very good for cuts,
grazes and burns." "Do you use it for anything else?" "Like what?" "Ahem.. err.. well.. during.. ahem.. sex."
"Oh, of course. Yes, I smear it on the bedroom doorknob
to keep my husband out!"
1 Comments, 197 Views,
12 Votes
,5.80 Score
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The Cowboy 2/25/2008
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted
wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the
ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided
to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other
a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one
else applied she decided to hire ...
3 Comments, 215 Views,
16 Votes
,6.66 Score
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Marriage Counselor 2/25/2008
After just a few years of marriage filled with constant
arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way
to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been
at each other's throats for some time and felt that
this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the
counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
"What seems to be the ...
4 Comments, 133 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Postman Retiring Gift 2/25/2008
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35
years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather
to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted
by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent
him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine
cigars. The folks at the third house handed ...
2 Comments, 117 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Sex Therapist Questions Couple 2/25/2008
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex
therapist's office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?
"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that
such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that
he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's
absolutely nothing ...
2 Comments, 82 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Bug 2/25/2008
A guy goes to the doctor. He says,
"Doc, you've got to help me, I've had this
raging erection for two weeks now. It hurts so bad, I can't
put up with it anymore. So, can you help me?" The doctor says, "I'll see if I can help you."
The doctor first looks at the guy's penis from all angles.
Then he takes out a magnifying glass and examines a tiny
black bug that's attached to the base of ...
2 Comments, 145 Views,
9 Votes
,2.78 Score
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I love comedy central 2/25/2008
Farmer and the Cow
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.
His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he
replied, "Some things you just can't explain.
This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket
was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied
up his left to a pole.
I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it ...
0 Comments, 115 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Sex and nose picking 2/23/2008
One day a father and were talking.
: Dad, how does it feel to make love? Father: It feels like picking your nose. : So how come when making love, women moan like they are
happier than the men? Father: When you pick your nose, does your finger or your
nose feel better? : If the women feel better, why don't they like being
? Father: It's not the same. If you were walking along
the ...
2 Comments, 113 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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Problem with name 2/23/2008
Girl 1: I can't believe a sweater could cause problems
in my relationship with John. Girl 2: Why? Did you loose his sweaater? Was it expensive?
Girl 1: No. Two days ago I went to his apartment but he wasn't
there. The weather was very cold. So I grabbed a sweater
from his bedroom to wear. I returned it the next day but found
there was a name on it. Girl 2: Oh, I see. The sweater wasn't his ...
1 Comments, 74 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Devil, Hell and Haven 2/22/2008
A Girl Asked a Prist What is Devil Hell and Haven. The Prist
replyed Between My Two Legs is Devil, Between your two legs
is hell, Lock the Devil into the hell you will get haven.
1 Comments, 117 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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