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josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	bozo and his ass   5/6/2008 There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50, 000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey. "Anywhere I go, she goes." "I'm sorry, ... 2 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the maid   5/6/2008 A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers. The guy says, ''Who is this?'' ''This is the maid, '' answers the woman. ''We don't have a maid, '' says the man. The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.'' The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?'' The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with ... 2 Comments, 44 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the hard-ware store   5/6/2008 A couple just got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left. When she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in fornt of the clerk. He noticed that she didn't have any screws for it, so he asked her ''Do you want a screw for that hinge?'' She looked back at him ... 2 Comments, 36 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	its all about packaging   5/6/2008 The medical student was asked four reasons why mother's milk was better for babies than cow's milk. This is the answer he submitted: 1. It's fresher. 2. It's cleaner. 3. The cats can't get to it. 4. It's easier to take on a picnic. He also added: "It comes in such cute containers." 2 Comments, 41 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	moses and the president   5/6/2008 George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked, "Aren't you Moses?" But the man wouldn't listen to him and continued walking. George asked him again, "Aren't you Moses?" The old man continued ignoring him, even turning his ... 2 Comments, 45 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	never been touched   5/6/2008 A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin." The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four ... 3 Comments, 77 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	having a bad day?   5/6/2008 It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day. So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, ... 2 Comments, 43 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	prayer works   5/6/2008 A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a ... 2 Comments, 37 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	make a wish   5/6/2008 Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, "I want a man, I want a man." Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed. Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his ... 2 Comments, 50 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	surrogate father   5/6/2008 The Smiths were unable to conceive and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, madam. I've come to...." "Oh, no need to ... 2 Comments, 67 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	university of georgia penis study   5/6/2008 In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80, 000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the study was published, the University of South Carolina decided to do their own study. After $250, 000.00, and ... 2 Comments, 25 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Ask me for a photo MeLoveBigDicks 42 F 5  Articles	They said I picked the sweatest oranges   5/5/2008 Little sally would come home from school everyday with two dollars, Her mother would wonder why she came home with money, so one day she asked sally where was she getting money from and little sally explained to her that the little boys at here school would pay her to climb the orange tree that was in the court yard at the school house, little sallys mom sat her young down and explained to her ... 1 Comments, 146 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	magical apples   5/5/2008 A young fellow ran into an old man who was carring a bag. "What's in the bag?" the youngster asked. "magic apples", the old man replied. "Prove it", said the young man. "Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man. "Watermelon and peaches", he answered. The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The ... 2 Comments, 69 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	midgett in texas   5/3/2008 There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he ... 2 Comments, 77 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	4 alarm fire....   5/1/2008 A MAN WHO WORKED FOR THE FIRE DEPARTMENT CAME HOME FROM WORK ONE DAY AND TOLD HIS WIFE, "YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A WONDERFUL SYSTEM AT THE FIRE STATION. BELL 1 RINGS AND WE ALL PUT ON OUR JACKETS. BELL 2 RINGS AND WE ALL SLIDE DOWN THE POLE. BELL 3 RINGS AND WE'RE ON THE FIRE TRUCK READY TO GO. FROM NOW ON WE ARE GOING TO RUN THIS HOUSE THE SAME WAY. WHEN I SAY BELL 1, I WANT YOU TO STRIP NAKED. WHEN I ... 2 Comments, 73 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	the hard rolls of life...   5/1/2008 A man went to a doctor to have his penis enlarged. Well, this particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant's trunk onto the man's penis. Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man's penis crept out of his pants, felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under the tablecloth. The girl was startled and ... 2 Comments, 60 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
getdown1st 68 C 213  Articles	Wine-Ohhhh!   4/30/2008 One day a gay guy was jogging through the park. He noticed a wino passed out on a park bench and thought to himself, "Ah, what the hell" He went over, dropped the wino's pants and gave it to him up the dumper. Feeling a bit guilty he took $10.00 from his purse and put it in the wino's pocket. When the wino awoke he reached in his pocket found the $10 bill and went straight to the liquor ... 1 Comments, 146 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
getdown1st 68 C 213  Articles	Lost Wallet   4/30/2008 A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home, but was stopped by the Customs Agent at the Tijuana border. 'May I see your identification, please?' asked the agent. 'I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet, ' replied the guy. 'Sure, buddy, I hear ... 4 Comments, 123 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	abstinence   4/30/2008 Three couples went to see a minister to find out how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newlywed. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no ... 2 Comments, 66 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	allergin disorder....   4/30/2008 A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet which is getting ready to take off. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes the end of his penis off with his handkerchief. He zips up, and continues reading his magazine. The woman cannot believe what she just saw. Then he sneezes again, unzips, pulls out his penis and wipes it off with a handkerchief. The woman says, ... 2 Comments, 72 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	alaska getaway   4/29/2008 A couple decided to Alaska for a romantic weekend.When they got to the cabin it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place. He came in after 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, so she said her put your hands between my thighs to warm them. So he did and went back outside to finish chopping wood. He came in after another 5 ... 2 Comments, 104 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	JUST ANOTHER COMMUTER FLIGHT....   4/29/2008 I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one ... 2 Comments, 93 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	EMPLOYMENT INTERVIEW.....   4/29/2008 A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "twenty-two." The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be ... 2 Comments, 93 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	BILLS LATEST FLIGHT...   4/29/2008 Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. Once the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whiskey and soda. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he too would like a drink. Mr. Falwell replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely by a brazen , than let liquor touch these lips." The President ... 2 Comments, 71 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	A THREESOME PLAYS GOLF   4/29/2008 Moses and Jesus are part of a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulls up to the tee and drives a long one. The ball lands on the fairway, but rolls directly toward a water trap. Quickly, Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls to the other side, safe and sound. Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It lands ... 2 Comments, 63 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	THE VOODOO DILDO FROM NEW ORLEANS....   4/29/2008 This guy is leaving town on business for a week and he's starting to get a little worried. You see, his wife is a nymphomaniac, and he knows that as soon as he leaves, she'll start to GET VERY HORNY and think to herself, "YOU'VE GOT TO GET SOME". So he goes to the adult toy shop to check out what they've got. And he notices there's an ornately carved wood box behind the counter. So he asks the ... 2 Comments, 56 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	MUST WORK FOR THE I.R.S. ....   4/29/2008 The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. ... 1 Comments, 49 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	SIGH.....ANOTHER BLONDE JOKE....   4/29/2008 A blonde walked into a hairdresser's with a pair of headphones on and asked the hairdresser for a haircut - but "don't touch the headphones o.k.?" "Fine" said the hairdresser - a little taken aback - but happy for the work. Three weeks later, the same blonde returned and asked for another haircut but with the same condition, "Whatever you do ... don't touch the headphones" "No problem" said the ... 2 Comments, 52 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	FEMALE LIFE STAGES COMPARISON CHART...   4/29/2008 AGE DRINK 17 - Wine Coolers 25 - White wine 35 - Red wine 48 - Dom Perignon 66 - Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 - Need to wash my hair 25 - Need to wash and condition my hair 35 - Need to colour my hair 48 - Need to have Francois colour my hair 66 - Need to have Francois colour my wig FAVORITE SPORT 17 - shopping 25 - ... 2 Comments, 48 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
josmith5 61 M 1466  Articles	SO SAD....THE DEMISE OF "dough boy "....   4/29/2008 Dear friends, it is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following: The Pillsbury Doughboy died Monday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess ... 2 Comments, 45 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score