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thursday jokes 9/13/2018
ill start, I love my hands because I can always count on them!!
who is next??
1 Comments, 10 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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Hitchhiker 9/12/2018
A hitchhiker is trying to get a ride. He gets passed by many
cars. Finally a car pulls over to give him a ride. After getting
in the car the hitchhiker turns to the driver and asks: <br><br>
Hitchhiker: "Sir, why did you pick me up when everyone
else passed me by? I mean, what are the chances, really,
that I'm some crazed serial killer?" <br><br>
Driver: ...
3 Comments, 26 Views,
9 Votes
,1.72 Score
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Hillary Clinton 9/7/2018
A presidential plane crashes, killing the passengers:
George Bush, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton. When the
three get to heaven and meet God... <br><br>
George Bush says "Hello, sir, my name is George Bush
and I was the 43rd president of the United States."
<br><br>
Barack Obama says "Hello, sir, my name is Barack Obama
and I was the 44th president of ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
14 Votes
,1.06 Score
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Peeing in the snow 9/7/2018
Two families live next to each other. One snowy afternoon
the father of the first family gets the father of the second
family, and leads him behind their houses to see something.
<br><br> "See that?" the first father asked. <br><br>
"What? My 's name in the snow? What boy doesn't
write his name in the snow?" answered the second father. ...
2 Comments, 69 Views,
10 Votes
,2.19 Score
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Mother-in-law gift 9/7/2018
My wife asked what we were going to give her mother for Christmas.
I said "nothing, she never used what we gave her last
Christmas." My wife said "What did we give her
last Christmas?" I replied "A tombstone."
4 Comments, 28 Views,
8 Votes
,1.62 Score
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Hotdogs 9/7/2018
I once heard it said... <br><br> "I don't care if you're the Queen of England
or a skin-flick scream queen, when a woman eats a hot-dog,
she looks like a ." <br><br> Not sure I agree with this one, but it does make you go...
"Hmm?"
2 Comments, 22 Views,
9 Votes
,0.86 Score
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Gorilla goo! 9/7/2018
A guy takes his pet gorilla to the vet and the vet says, "She
sure is small for a gorilla!" <br><br>
"That's funny, that's what my friends
say about my wife!" <br><br>
The man replied.
2 Comments, 46 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
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All the wayyyyYYYyyyyyyyYYYYYyyyyyyyYYYYyyyyy 9/6/2018
What has one leg, and can run along way and NOT get tired ?
<br><br>
<br><br>
 <br><br>
<br><br>
 <br><br>
[image] <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
 <br><br>
A **Run** in a Woman*z Stocking !
1 Comments, 32 Views,
11 Votes
,2.98 Score
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Wow thats a lot 9/6/2018
Two women were sitting in a bar talking when one spoke up
and said "Oh, I set a new record today, I screwed a Brazilian
today". "WOW, " replied her friend,
"A Brazilian, That's a lot of screwing."
"I only screwed about a thousand."
3 Comments, 29 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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She couldn't do it, ssssoooo,,, 9/4/2018
A blonde phoned her boyfriend sounding totally frustrated.
She was trying to do a jigsaw puzzle all by herself. Her boyfriend, on receiving the phone-call, told her to
calm down and he'd be over to help her with the jigsaw.
He asked her what the picture on the front of the box was and
she had answered, "It's a big chicken".
On arriving at his ...
1 Comments, 63 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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Turner Brown 9/4/2018
Skinny little white Irishman gets into an elevator, looks
up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. <br><br>
The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him... He
looks down at the Irishman <br><br>
and says: "7 ft tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
penis, 6 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown"
<br><br>
The ...
2 Comments, 51 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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New and Hopefully ][mproved 9/3/2018
An man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from
the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing
the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?" He replies,
" going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, going to get me some of that ...
5 Comments, 68 Views,
17 Votes
,2.98 Score
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Speaka da Engrish 9/3/2018
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down
and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, But
her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: " Emma come first.
Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more!
. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. ...
1 Comments, 44 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
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Make it back and tell,,, 9/3/2018
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back
and inform the other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to
die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Sue..........Sue".
<br><br>
Is that you, George?" ...
3 Comments, 54 Views,
11 Votes
,2.98 Score
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Visit to psychologist 2 8/29/2018
Rorschach test! <br><br>
Psychologist shows ink blot <br><br>
What is that? A naked woman! <br><br>
Another blot. What is that? A naked woman's genitals. <br><br>
Another blot. What is that? 2 naked women & a man with erection <br><br>
Another blot What is that? A couple having sex. <br><br>
That is proof you have a ...
1 Comments, 50 Views,
11 Votes
,2.61 Score
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Visit to psychologist 1 8/29/2018
Irishman visits psychologist who show him a picture of
an oak, an ash & a poplar. Asks what does that remind
you of? <br><br> 9 Tree & tree & tree makes 9 <br><br>
A story follows A dos wees against each tree. What does that
remind you of? <br><br> 99 Dirty tree , dirty tree & dirty tree makes 99 <br><br>
Story continues The then ...
2 Comments, 46 Views,
9 Votes
,1.50 Score
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Missing 8/27/2018
The wife's been missing for a week now <br><br>
The Police said to expect the worst <br><br>
So I went down the Charity Shop and got her clothes back......
2 Comments, 37 Views,
12 Votes
,2.09 Score
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wife & girlfriend 8/27/2018
Q: What's the difference between a wife & a girlfriend?
<br><br>
A: 40 pounds
4 Comments, 25 Views,
11 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Poker in the jungle. 8/25/2018
<br><br>
1 WHY DON’T THEY PLAY POKER IN THE JUNGLE? Too many cheetahs.
1 Comments, 22 Views,
13 Votes
,2.14 Score
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Ahhhh Man, what next 8/22/2018
I went to a bar one night and about two in the morning when
the woman previously rated two becomes a nine. I finally
asked her to my hotel room to which she quickly agreed to
with a soft squeeze on my cock and I told her all right by returning
a squeeze in her booty. Once there I undressed and lay on
the bed while she undressed. Wellll first came off the wig,
and she placed it on the ...
1 Comments, 80 Views,
14 Votes
,2.50 Score
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Sex & Calories 8/18/2018
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as
running 8 miles. <br><br>
Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds?
1 Comments, 20 Views,
10 Votes
,2.39 Score
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Testing, Testing, 4, 5, 6, Testing. 8/17/2018
THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE OF THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:
1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three
years are dead. That one was easy, right? 2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her
husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held
under water; and hung). 3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing. 4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, ...
3 Comments, 53 Views,
13 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Sex & Calories 8/16/2018
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as
running 8 miles. <br><br>
Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds?
1 Comments, 14 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
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ORIGINAL 8/15/2018
ORIGINAL
1 Comments, 12 Views,
6 Votes
,1.09 Score
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Joke of the weeks and ARE MEANT AS JOKES ONLY!!!!!! 8/14/2018
Q: Which of the following does "not" belong:
Meat, Eggs, Wife, or Blowjob? A: a blowjob, because you can beat your meat, eggs, and wife
but you Can't beat a blowjob!! LOL
2 Comments, 18 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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Testing, Testing, 1 2 3 ,,, Testing. 8/14/2018
THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I'VE SEEN.... RIDDLE
#5 IS AMAZING. IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND
STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS !! <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between
three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second
is full of ...
2 Comments, 58 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
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SHoe*z, S//-/oe*z and yet S]]-[[oe*z again 8/13/2018
<br><br>
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe ...
2 Comments, 52 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score
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Don't be in such a hurry ! 8/13/2018
A young ][ndian Brave felt he was of age. He went to the Village Chief and stood before him. ''Oh Chief, ][ Am of age now and ask to become a Warrior,
What must ][ do ?" The Chief looked hard at the young Brave and thought a few
moment*z. " To Be a WarrioR, there are 3 thing*z You must do.
The first , ,, is to build a Big and Strong TePee The second, ,, is to get a ...
2 Comments, 54 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
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A Loving Wife 8/10/2018
A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside,
he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and
ties him to a chair. While tying the home owner’s wife
to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck;
then gets up & goes into the bathroom. <br><br>
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his
wife: “Listen, this guy is an ...
3 Comments, 101 Views,
20 Votes
,4.15 Score
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Square Root 8/10/2018
What is the square root of 69? <br><br>
8 something...
1 Comments, 30 Views,
12 Votes
,2.27 Score
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