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A Guy Walks into a Bar... 3/16/2019
And orders 10 shots of gin, neat. He slams them back, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10
POW!!! all in a row, NO CHASER. The bartender is astonished.
<br><br>
"Holy shit pal, what are YOU celebrating?"
the bartender says. <br><br>
Guy says, "My first blow job" <br><br>
The bartender says "Why didnt you say so? Next drinks on the house, pal" ...
4 Comments, 53 Views,
13 Votes
,3.48 Score
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Good Heavens... 3/14/2019
St. Peter is on duty at the Pearly Gates of Heaven where he
meets those who's time on Earth had come to an end and
he decides whether or not they enter Heaven or "the
other place". A woman is the first newcomer for the
day and St. Peter greets her. He asks her "have you
been a good person all your life? The woman replies "yes,
I tried my very best to be good. I went ...
2 Comments, 113 Views,
17 Votes
,4.54 Score
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What? 3/9/2019
How many puppies does it take to land a plane on a Saturday?
<br><br>
All of them
1 Comments, 30 Views,
12 Votes
,1.56 Score
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Cotton Candy 3/9/2019
So this old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn. <br><br>
He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy
shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast as possible. <br><br>
<br><br> <br><br> The man walks up to the boy and says "You know , it's
really not healthy to eat all that candy." <br><br>
The looks ...
1 Comments, 83 Views,
17 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Otherwise OK 3/5/2019
"Darling you would a be wonderful dancer but for two
things." "what are they, my love?" "Your feet!"
3 Comments, 27 Views,
13 Votes
,2.81 Score
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Cheat Day 3/5/2019
Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago. His wife proposed
that they should have a cheat day today. <br><br>
She brought home McDonald’s burgers, KFC wings. Bob
brought home his secretary. <br><br>
From his hospital bed, Bob is wondering when men will ever
begin to understand women.
3 Comments, 45 Views,
13 Votes
,3.31 Score
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Emotional sex 3/5/2019
For the past six years me and a good friend started having
weekly phone conversations. It got to where we knew every
dirty seceret about eachother. Well in our conversation
last week he confided that he always cries before during
and after sex. I didnt know what to say. I mean i have sex for
the sheer pleasure of it. Well beteeen that and my sarcasm
i blurted damn dude i hate to hear that you ...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
9 Votes
,1.93 Score
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Stranded on Deserted Island 3/3/2019
A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and
there are only 3 Survivors: Jim, Tom, and Susie. <br><br>
They manage to swim to a small island and they live there
for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and
women to do. After several years of casual sex, all the time, Susie felt
absolutely horrible about what she was doing. ...
1 Comments, 95 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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At the Funeral 3/3/2019
A cardiologist died and was given an eleborate funeral.
<br><br>
A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket
during the service. <br><br>
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket
rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing
the doctor inside, forever. <br><br>
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When ...
6 Comments, 116 Views,
27 Votes
,4.40 Score
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A morbid joke 3/1/2019
So I have a friend who has been really depressed lately.
His life is going nowhere, and he has been thinking about
committing suicide. Good thing he is a male, and has a fear
to commit. <br><br>
Do you have any morbid jokes? I wrote this one myself
1 Comments, 22 Views,
8 Votes
,2.09 Score
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Lorrainia Bobbit 2/27/2019
Have you heard that Lorrainia Bobbit moved to Russia and
changed her last name? Answer!! Too Lorriania Cuts your cockoff!!!
2 Comments, 15 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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the best joke 2/27/2019
whats the best joke you remember?
1 Comments, 27 Views,
11 Votes
,1.48 Score
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Penalty for bigamy 2/24/2019
One of the witticisms of Lord Moosey of Ridgeburg was his
answer to a distinguished counsel who asked what the heaviest
penalty for bigamy was. "Two mother-in- laws" Moosey said promptly
.
3 Comments, 27 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
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points 2/19/2019
One day 2 blondes were talking. Blonde 1 says "guess
what! I just had sex with a Brazilian guy!" Blonde 2 replies "OMG you ! how many is a Brazilian?"
3 Comments, 20 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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Three daughters... 2/19/2019
A gallant knight arrived at a yeoman farmer's estate
while out on a quest to find his perfect wife.
<br>
“Ho, there, farmer”, cried the knight.
<br>
“Ho, yourself. What is a knight as gallant as you doing in
these parts?”
<br>
“I am on a quest to find a woman good enough to be my bride.
Not just any woman ‒ she must be ...
1 Comments, 535 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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A man's company ! 2/19/2019
When does a woman care for a man's company?
When he owns it. ...
18 Comments, 137 Views,
33 Votes
,4.43 Score
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Sweet Thang 2/19/2019
A young girl of 13 was hearing a lot of new words pertaining
to sex at school that she didn't understand at all.
She decided to ask her divorced, single beautiful 30 year
old blonde headed mom about it bluntly.
The told her mom the at school were saying
things about going down on one another and that she didn't
understand it at all. She asked her mom, "Will you
tell me what they ...
31 Comments, 514 Views,
71 Votes
,3.78 Score
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Man ask the Doctor 2/12/2019
Do you think I shall live until I'm ninety, doctor?"
"How old are you now?" "Forty." "Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or have you any vices
of any kind?" <br><br>
"No. I don't drink, I never gamble, I loathe smoking;
in fact, I don't have any vices." <br><br>
"Well, good heavens, what do you want to live another ...
2 Comments, 63 Views,
18 Votes
,4.35 Score
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Indoors.. 2/10/2019
It does not matter what the temperature is, it's always
room temperature!
1 Comments, 25 Views,
13 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Question... 2/9/2019
If Con is the opposite of Pro, is Congress the opposite of
Progress? <br><br>
Get the point?
1 Comments, 30 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
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Silly but funny... 2/8/2019
   
<br><br> Q: What can a put behind her ears to make her sexy? A: Her knees.
<br><br> Q: What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A: Sex. <br><br> Q: What do you it when you have oral sex, vaginal sex, and anal sex with your all in the same night? A: The fucking
cycle. ...
2 Comments, 19 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Marriage Game 2/8/2019
My girlfriend said to me last night, “You treat our relationship
like some kind of game!” <br><br>
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance!!!!!!!
1 Comments, 18 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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MR MAN 2/8/2019
Mr Tickle found his soul mate Tess. <br><br>
He asked her to marry him.. She agreed on condition that she did not have to take his
surname!
1 Comments, 22 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Aricle #1 2/8/2019
Coming soon...will add later on
1 Comments, 14 Views,
11 Votes
,2.23 Score
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Some more jokes for the bar 2/8/2019
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job! <br><br>
Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common? A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!
<br><br>
Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during
sex? A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source. ...
1 Comments, 19 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Penis Book 2/8/2019
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Do
you have that book for men with small penises?" <br><br>
The librarian checks her computer and says, "I don't
know if it's in yet." <br><br>
The man replies, "Yes, that's the one."
2 Comments, 27 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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a Sure bet 2/5/2019
Leeanne "Is your new friend rich?" <br><br>
Alys"Rich!, Why, say, that man is one of biggest machine
gun salesmen in Chicago"
2 Comments, 29 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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quick 2/4/2019
knock knock
2 Comments, 39 Views,
10 Votes
,0.80 Score
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Marriage Counsler 2/2/2019
After 35 of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade
listing every problem they had ever had in the they
had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire
laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient ...
3 Comments, 130 Views,
23 Votes
,4.76 Score
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Few more good ones... 1/31/2019
What’s the difference between a and a drug dealer?
A can wash her crack and resell it. <br><br>
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? One slip of
the tongue, and you’re in deep shit. <br><br>
What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking?
She’s gonna eat me! <br><br> Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died. ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
14 Votes
,2.66 Score
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